I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
