Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
