i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
