I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
