called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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