I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
