My Higher Power is John Stamos
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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