I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
