after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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