I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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