Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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