At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
