he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
