Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
