my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He better not be in your backpack
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
