Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
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