I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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