do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
