remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
