can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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