now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
