I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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