I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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