I just pynch a tree in the face
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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