dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
handjob tips. give me some.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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