My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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