ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
