Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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