He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
