hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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