i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
