I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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