my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
