Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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