i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
