It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Farmville is her only friend.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
