someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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