I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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