life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
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She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
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You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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