I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I need a burrito and a hug.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
