Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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