what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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