i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
