I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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