hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Barsexuality is the new black.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
