The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
