I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
