Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
