I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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