I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
