If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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