My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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