I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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