in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
