you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What a dumb baby whore.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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