I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
