if you like me you must not know who I am
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
foreskin is a definite game changer
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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